MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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