he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
