how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
