Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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