My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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