so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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