Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize