hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
