Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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