walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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