i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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