He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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