I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
