Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
