I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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