So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
