Mattress luging...It's a long story.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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