There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
