Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
