"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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