the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
