I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
bring money and cleavage
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
