grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish you could order shots online.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
