Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Couch. On fire.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
