But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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