She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
