She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
