You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
