Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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