to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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