Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
