I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
this hospital has no fireball
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
