You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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