Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
