She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love having hate sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
