That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
