I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
