My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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