I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
