Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
