Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
