so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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