i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
