I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
