last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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