I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Shame is for Republicans.
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