Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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