youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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