I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
