gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
