the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need a burrito and a hug.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
