Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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