I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
