If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
