All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
