he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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