hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
