North Korea, Best Korea!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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