Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
