oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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