we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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