I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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