He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
