brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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