One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
