I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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