I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
