she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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