Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
