what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
