Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
