puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
